Saturday, June 11, 2005

Inner thoughts...Ironic

Been thinking too much...thats what people always say. Is there such a thing? I have been spending a lot of time thinking about relationship... there I go...coz I am emotional, too emotional 10 times more emotional than anyone I know of. My baby can't even catch my thoughts sometimes. Many a times we have conflicts becoz of varoius issues...most of it trying to fix my uncontented heart...I get jealous easily, dreaming of romantic relationship, envy of loving couples and I am clinggy...in layman's words "I am a super glue". I don't deny that. Well, to me love is always selfish, I treasure it like a possession...thats where the word "posessive" derive from isnt it? I love someone I'll not hide, and I want my baby to treat me this way too... passionate. Shy? not in a relationship... "No self-esteem, no confidence "..these are some of the words I get when I get jealous... feel like an explosive pacel...

I am tired of getting into a new relationship, fear that things will get back to the same after the honeymoon period... to me there is no expiry to honeymoon...I can get on and on ... feeling "sweet" is my motivation (fuel) to go on... I am a nostagic person... afraid to risk, thats why things still goes on after I complain about this and that...sighz..."no character" right? coz I say that I hate "sorries" but all the time sorry comes from me...for being too emotional...
*slap me please*

I'm rather disappointed with some friends...whether its newbies or some that I've known for few years... Well, somehow feel cheated...

Friday, June 10, 2005

Fast Fordwarded

Everythings seems fresh and interesting with a new bunch of people... for me I got to know them few days after baby know them from the same channel online...been hanging out together since we met at FV..

Dn and Tra soon become a couple, is that crush or fast pace of the young ones? they broke up in 3 days..that was fast huh? Dn got quite disturb by Tra stickiness and the huanting endless smses... Dn and Eln meet us for a badminton session at the court nearby..chat alot and got to know their heroic history....been in the same sch as Dn, and she kip calling me snr...I didnt know that she is such a fight...gangster is that the right word?

CTna, a mysterous one... keep saying that she is not rich, but always see her driving different cars and she will ask "whats the plan today?" almost everyday since we met...she claim that she like feminine gals, claims that she is "1/2 andro" is there such a label? well, she dun look like one.. she is rather selective when choosing the person to talk,the word they use is "small talk" (something new to me) , I wonder why it must be my Baby..ya I'm jealous so what, I've the right to feel that way orite? Can you imagine my Baby willing to travel out a long way to meet her for dinner (alone), full of excuses! ... *stop me please* may say that I think too much but I still feel that she is not that simple.

Eln, she simply like the wrg person, and that person she like take her for granted. *knocks* why is she so gaga over a "player" one that attracts so much attention and order her around like a maid....she is oso another one with lotsa street fighter history to share...aiyo~

Who should I talk about next? Hmmm... Fng, she hang out with us often too...Well, the reason is still gals, the wrong one thot'....the gal is the gf of the one that Elna is admiring..seems abit complicated ...sighz..anyway this is how it goes for the moment.

seems like a bunch of women troubles huh?

Baby, seems happier after knowing this group of friends...I admit that Im still as possessive as ever, thats me ya? But I m glad that I got to know wats happening ...I know its not 100%, minus the "politics" among them, the private "small talks" ...I wonder how much I've missed out...

Thursday, June 2, 2005

lousy me

Why am I bumming? Why am I rejected? Why am I not the one? Why am I such a lousy girlfriend? My answer: I am not good enough, I am lousy, not pretty, not sweet talker, eyes too small look slepy, brainless, dazed, dim, half-witted, idiotic, moronic, nonsensical, obtuse, rash, senseless, simple-minded, slow, sluggish, unintelligent. I m broke, depressed and simply I AM A LOSER!!!!!! In relationship I am narrow-minded, prejudiced, self-centered, stingy, ungenerous, conservative, defensive, emergency, jealous,possessive, preservative, protecting... Why am I still living? should have condemned me and get ride of me from anybodys' life once and for al.

Wednesday, June 1, 2005

Distant Friendships

Was woken up by doggie early in the morning. Coghing like crazy, in a daze I drank 1/2 bottle of the cough syrup, thats about 50ml. Meet Bb at Cent Sq to repair Dad's Samsung phone in the evening. had dinner at the foodcourt, Bb ordered curry chicken rice. I have no appetite after the cough syrup took effect, I feel myself very tired and every movement seems very slow... After dinner, shopped around the complex and Bb discovered that her styllus is missing from her phone, must have dropped somewhere at the food court earlier on. Her mood change totally and started finding faults with me about other stuffs....Gosh what to do ? later going to Fisherman V to meet Bb butch friendS at an unknow guy friend's party. Reached there about 9-10pm play at the swing before Bb called the Butch and we are like attending some alien's Bdae, guessed the Bdae boy must be real rich.... there's DJ spinning his favorite tracks, a buffet (ended by teh time we reached) a few tables of friends (drinks on the bdae boy)...Mgo Hmm... Thot that he's a gay, coz his face's "full-dress" anyway, was intro to a few pple: Eln, Jlyn & Emi (couple), Irne, Jonthn (a guy from The US), Uncle Joe, Dn (aka as T**H**Y****, always find her familiar, like one of my ex-band mem.), T-ramizu(lind) and a gal who drove us but dint join us? (weird?), one of the dj that sings real well (her voice seems like echoing on its own without any mic). Most of the pple left after 2-3am.... we stayed to wait for T-ramizu to knock off lucky fng was there, I know that Bb will go gaga, so all the time I was chatting and drinking beer with fng , while Bb played big2 PR with her new frds..etc. More pple got drunk...and started the sex topic...and the couple started kissing in demand of the crowd, free show ... laugh and tease and drama until about 4pm butch, Bb & me, Fng stayed over at Dn's place @ Compassvale...showed us her ex's photo and the traces of memories in her room....always wanted to ask her whether she is from NB Band, but I forgot her name, Hui-something.... I fall asleep the rest of them still playing and teasing the 19yo tall gal .... thats really call a pack of "wolves"... wake up in the morning, took a cab back to yishun with BB and the butch. Guess its time that I can sms some buddies to confirm Dn's name....I got it. Had breakky at the kopi shop then Bb & the butch started sharing experiences...zzzzz.. Dn called Bb, and Bb ask her, "oei r u frm Nb? in band ; flute n percussion? my gf think u r her junior.... *erm....* then Bb passed the phone to me...1st thing I hear "Hi senior..." thats life, always round and colourful...