Thursday, May 11, 2006

11th May 2006(Cont'd)

took a nap , feeling my whole body aching ...
been keeping myself busy the entire morning dishing up a nice fried beehoon (my style) and cleaning up the kitchen... I am tired , sleepy and numbed by pain and questions that keep echoing in my mind... the words that she said , sounded so fresh in my mind...

I think I smell like so oily ..took a shower after that wake her up for breakfast...

decided to draw a smiley face with myonaise and chilli sauce... I always like to do these extra to make happy food... I am not hungry , only took a sip of milo and retired in my sister's room.. can't take the direct sun in my room , makes me feel frustrated and headache...

She checked her email... received a troublesome bomb ...anyway she knows that this peson deserved the punishment and is not going to give way even pleaded.. will call me to update me when she meet up with the email-sender..
Everyone need to learn a lesson... the most effective way is to fall...
any successful person would have fall before thaey make it big.. no exception

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Evening:

Meet a couple, been chatting with them on msn for quite sometime... they ask if I would want to meet them in town... Had dinner, Kbox and chat awhile at swensens' .. very loving couple, they will tease each other and create jokes ... they filled the evening with laughter in the air.
Share with me the story how the meet each other and talk about dogs, they are dog lovers too *smiles* .

Initially I thought I will be a big lightbulb there , instead they make me feel very at ease and the fear turn into admiration for this couple... maybe at this moment any couple that passby will make me feel this way ...

My hands are so cold, as cold as my heart... so lonely, so confused... so unloved.

Subconsciously thinking, but its so blurr what am I thinking about... something that was mentioned to me earlier (today/Yesterday)..haven't sleep so today and yesterday seems to merged as 1. .. thinking about the thing that friends and love one said about me .... knowing myself better , I should take that positively right? but why is it so hard to swallow? -- I am seen as a person that doesn't know what I want to do in life, and doesn't stay long in something that I decide to do , flicked minded? -- that is what I was told last night by her, when we talked.. she quoted F and Jz... and she agreed to it..

But I am a long-runner in relationship... (no more but...sighz, better stop giving excuses..)

I cannot seems to take it very well, blaming myself will not help, but right now I just want to do it for awhile.... this is what loser like to do ... escape for awhile... not very long , but I don't know how long I'll take ... I will be a better person when I get over it ... chewing on it before I can swallow... getting long-winded...

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