Sunday, May 7, 2006

4Years , 3Mths , 1Week & 5Days

Its is not easy being the one to initiate a bad news like this.

This is where we take a break... a reccess ..we both should stay out of relationship for a period of time to have a clear mind what do we want from a relationship and also what we can give to a relationship.

Things has become really none other way to speak, maybe with the way we communicate, or maybe of some other reason that we do not realised. Perhaps we can see more clearly at another perspective.

The relationship will slowly lost its meaning if it is going to be stagnant, and accumulates mistakes that we don't take actions to solve. I am really still in love with Bb, if we can think about how we can deal with the differences and come with some muture agreements.. this relationship will be more fruitful.

I do not deny that humans have faults, I am not a perfect being too, I am sorry if I have not being perfect sometimes, I agree that I am unable to give her the kind of freedom that you desired, she feel tighted down by me intruding her life, I cannot help help it , I do not know when she wants me in her life and when she doesn't. It become very taxing for both of us when one party wanted (and the other doesn't agree) privacy , have space and freedom ...I am feeling insecured.

When two person is in a relationship, there must be transparency is not something that you can ask from anyone, you got to earn it slowly. Yes, I know Bb might be at this moment thinking that I have broken the circle of trust once , I learnt the lesson and repent. Bb have said to me that she forgive but will not forget, I shall not request much from her at that point since I was the one that make the mistake. Since then I feel a sense of guilt in me that I owe her much more than an apology. I will have flashbacks from time to time when we quarrel, and makes be feel debted to her, especially so when I have to point out things that I want her to change about yourself. I restrain myself from insisting my point after awhile and try to accommodate to it slowly, because I think I still owe it to her. I do not know how far will this go.

* Smell and smoke from my ciggrettes

* Keep bugging you to be fast and reacting instantly

* Asking you to learn to get your hands on house chores and cooking

* Attention seeking

I do not wish for the day that you unknowingly wanted to celebrate Mother's Day rather than Valentine's Day with me... This sounds freaky but can't helped the thought of it... I am taking care of you like a Mother ..

I do appreciate and love you... but a little bit more to grow will make our relationship, not only long lasting like what friends might see guaging from the years that we have gone through. I want to walk through a quality time with you , not just how long we have been together that makes people admire.

We have gone through so much and so far, I do not wish to end this relationship because of things that can be solve with some effort of each of us giving a little attention to it.

Neither would I want to be walking into a blind-folded relationship that both of us just keep denying and running away from our problems.

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