Sunday, March 18, 2007

Mark this date - "No day" 18th March 2007

I really do not know what went wrong but she just wanted it to end here. i'm floating in the mist - can't think or move, simply out of control. If only I can stop my tears for now it's the only thing that I can wish for. To her she spell it very clearly that it's incompatible, and I am still trying to digest that ambiguous reason for the break. Its like "I love you but I don't" . I walked out of her house and I don't care where I am going but as I walk realized that I am detouring, circling the neighborhood aimlessly - the "what should I do? where should I go?" question didn't even occur. I am no different from a zombie on the street. Depressed to the core, I would have slashed myself with anything sharp or bottoms up some cough mixture and dope previously, I didn't. It's not raining but it feels like it is - feeling so drenched, my feet are dragging me, hardly can open my eyes, everything seems so blur.

Until she texted me - Instant automation.. I slowly walk back to her house as I read the message, bought apple pie and corn cup from Mac, maybe my shadow if shouting "for what?", I think its for her coz' I don't feel hungry or crave for it... can't think.

Where is my comfort zone, it's so clear. Not even my own house, my parents already converted my room to a storage-cum-laundry room. I was told to leave in a nicest manner ever, even offered to help when I move. My heart just feel numb. What makes things started- Its LOVE, what makes things end- Its again LOVE. Complicated or Irony?

NO to everything:
Do I have the choice? Can I disagree? Am I clear of the situation? Can I do something to help?

But I am definitely feeling STUPID.


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