Monday, April 16, 2007

I'm Evicted

I'm back to north.... after an uneventful incident which I have no memory of. Was shocked by the reason supposed to be from her mum, our eyes didn't mean...she agree to it too coz' she says there is nothing she can do or say... Only regret that she is not a man, we're not married, she has no rights to do anything... she is right again.

The bottom line, I'm to conform to the eviction.

What I kept unsaid was the fact that I don't really like to stay home... it's a mess... since young my parents quarrel for anything under the sun. My father's storming voice reminds me of uncontrolled mental patient, followed by my Mum's weeps and complaints, threatens to divorce, die and leave this misery. Not the end of it, my Father will follow up with an action movie of his alcohol overdosed violence, his speciality is the hit the wall with bare hands and head, throwing and trashing things and staring at everybody with his fiery eyes.

As the elder sister I feel helpless, always crying in my room, taking a different approach, my sister grow stronger and tomboyish to counter that emotional nonsense from the adults.

No doubt that they work and slog to provide for the family, and is too tired and busy to keep the house clean... but putting the soiled clothings, cutlery etc at proper places is very much appreciated. Nobody seems to care, over the years, I tried to do my best to help mum in the chores, but it seems like both of us get tired of it... I want to get out of this mess.... can someone take me and flee?

I worry for my sister, my mum and my father.... will they get out of control in a fight an kill each other? mindless thoughts became a real one day when my father took out a chopper, after seeing my sister's teacher to discuss about her wrong doings in school... he charged at her while I tried to unlock the gate with my trembling hands....

Mad house!!

but what can I do? nobody seems to know and is interested to know how I feel. silence is just to conserve my energy to deal with the next turmoil.

Was missing for 2 days, can't agree much then what they said about being possesed or voodoed, was brought to pray and done some religious chanting etc.

Unknowingly labelled "dirty", and evicted by her mum from her house. Am I just extra, stranger, evil-related...etc?
She can't do her mum and my parents we are "friends" - My heart dropped. When will we be couple and not "friends" anymore? take me and run!

Was nearly a "nobody" in her life, just few months ago when we had a talk. she was planning to go on a vacation with her friends at the same time.... I hope she'll not have lonely journey again....
When I was told about her holidays with her friends, an initial feeling for abandon strike me.... anyway it can't be help...will be fine soon.

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